2013 recap

I've actually kept track of stuff like this for a while and I like going back to read it so here we go again.

Here were my 2013 resolutions:

1. Get a new job - Did not happen. Sadly, getting a new job and having a baby in the same year usually does not happen for women in this country (I'm not sure if it happens in any country if we're being honest). 
2. Find Jesus. Again. - We went to church more often this year but I could do better.
3. Learn to sew - Yep! I ended up buying myself a new machine for my birthday and I actually know how to use it!
4. Read 52 books -This definitely did not happen. According to my Goodreads I only read 10 books this year. Oh God, that makes me cringe. Not even one a month! I love to read, I really do but once I got pregnant, all spare time went to baby things and sleeping.
5. Eat more veggies -We did pretty good on this one. Our meals are quite well rounded.
6. Tackle my house "to do" list - This one also got seen about a lot. It's a pretty ongoing thing and we ended up refinancing in the spring so we'll be staying put for a while. But I'm happy with this one.
7. Keep running -Nope. 

And a carryover from 2012...

1. Get knocked up - I actually did get KU in 2012, it was just exactly 5 minutes before midnight. Well played, universe. 

So that's 4/8 or 50%. Not great, not terrible. I always strive to do better anyway.


I also read this little survey on another blog so I'm stealing it.

1. What did you do in 2013 that you had never done before?
• Dealt with a semi serious diagnosis. My gestational diabetes really opened my eyes to how important it is to take care of my own health, as well as my family's. I have never had any type of medical problems so this diagnosis was truly a shock. I cried a lot. I am forever grateful for such a healthy baby girl but I know if I hadn't taken care of myself, it could have been a very different outcome.
2. Did anyone close to you have a child?
• I did! Vivian Alice joined our family on September 20. My friend also had her son in March and one of the mister's cousins had a baby girl the week after Vivi was born.
3. Did anyone close to you die?
• Yes. On November 3, my wonderful mother-in-law died from cancer that was diagnosed a short 6 weeks earlier. She was only 56. I am still struggling with coming to terms with this since it feels like a really, really bad dream. She was truly the glue that held our family together and we are all left wondering, what now? This was not supposed to happen. She was supposed to grow old, travel with my father-in-law, watch our babies grow up, watch her granddaughter graduate from high school, see her grandson play football, bury her own mother (not the other way around). The pain of losing her has been so great and yet I know that it doesn't even begin to touch how much my husband is hurting. I miss her every minute of every day and I am so angry at God for taking her from us so suddenly. 
4. Where did you travel?
• We went to the beach with all my inlaws in July. It was the trip that wasn't supposed to happen and now we are so glad it did. She died 3 months to day that we returned and we will forever treasure those memories. I also went with the girls to Houston with my mom for a long weekend after Thanksgiving and it was very fun. That's about it. We were supposed to go to Mexico but that got canceled since I was 36 weeks pregnant that week. Again, I am grateful for that since we would have missed our last family vacation with MIL.
5. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
• A new job. More patience with Norah.
6. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory?
• January 12 - the day I found out I was pregnant
• May 8 - the day we found out we were having another girl!
• September 13 - the day they found the mass on my mother-in-laws lung
• September 20 - the day Vivian was born and the day we got the official cancer diagnosis. This is the most bittersweet day of all.
• October 3 - the day she asked us to call Hospice. This was possibly the worst day of my life. I have never cried so hard.
• November 3 - the day we lost her. It still doesn't seem real.
7. What was your biggest achievement of the year? 
• Having a healthy baby girl despite my diabetes diagnosis. I was terrified when I was diagnosed (I still am some days) however I overcame my fears and was determined to have a healthy baby with no c-section. And I did!
8. What was your biggest failure?
• Oh God, this is going to sound bad but some days I feel like such a failure of a parent. I know that I'm not. My kids are happy and healthy and I love them more than life itself. However. Norah has taken the age of 3 by storm and she has become quite the challenging child. I snap at her more than I care to admit and there is more yelling in that house than I want. I just wanted to do better for her than my parents did for us (don't read that wrong) and I often do not feel that I am doing very well with that.
9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
• Not really. I guess technically having gestational diabetes is an illness but I was never sick from it. My only injury was recovery from childbirth. I don't think that counts.
10. What was the best thing you bought?
• Honestly, a hula hoop for Norah. She asked Santa for one everyday since September and seeing how excited she was on Christmas morning was awesome.
11. Where did most of your money go?
• Daycare, gas, and the hospital.
12. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
• Finding out we were pregnant! We had tried for over 6 months so seeing those two pink lines felt like I was seeing a miracle. I like to go back and read the group texts I sent to my 3 bff's because I was seriously in complete disbelief. 
• It was also really fun finding out we were having a girl. We did the balloons in a box and opened it with Norah. I was so excited to have two sweet sisters!
13. What song will always remind you of 2013?
• For some reason, Roar by Katy Perry. Maybe it's because I was on maternity leave and watched her whole GMA thing for the month of October but it's definitely the "song" of the year for me.
14. Compared to this time last year, are you A) happier or sadder? B) thinner or fatter?  C) richer or poorer?
• Both. This time last year, I wanted a baby so bad so I am thrilled that we now have a precious 3 month old in our home. But I also never imagined that we'd be losing my mother-in-law in 2013 and every time I think about her final weeks, my heart breaks into a million pieces all over again.
• I'm actually thinner right now. Thank you, breastfeeding. Now to keep it off...
• Ha! Poorer for sure. Two daycare bills is no freaking joke.
15. What do you wish you’d done more of?  
• Reading. I'm appalled that I only read 10 books in 2013. That needs to be rectified in 2014.
16. What do you wish you’d done less of?
•  Working? Crying? Both were unavoidable though. I took off 10 weeks for maternity leave plus a week of vacation time so I definitely worked less this year than most. I'm just over my current job. 
• You haven't seen crying until you've seen a postpartum mother deal with a tragedy two short weeks after giving birth. I can't tell you how many times I hid in a dark closet, doing the ugly cry so Norah wouldn't see me.
17. Did you fall in love in 2013?
• Yes. Vivian Alice filled a place in my heart that I didn't even know was empty.
18. What was your favorite TV program?
• Scandal. I discovered it in April and watched 1 1/2 seasons in 3 days. So good. I actually still haven't caught up with Season 3 but I will soon.
19. What was the best book you read?
• Well since I have only 10 to choose from this should be easy...The only one that got 5 stars on goodreads from me was The Lost Wife which was very good. But I also enjoyed Nineteen Minutes while we were at the beach. Midwives was also really good.
20. What was your greatest musical discovery?
• One Direction. I know, I know...I'm not 16. But I kept hearing about them and finally caught them in concert on GMA one morning and was like, these guys are awesome! 
21. What did you want and get?
• Another baby. Oh, and my diamond earrings! I've always wanted a pair but figured that wouldn't happen until my kids were adults. But the mister completely shocked the hell out of me when he sold his grandfather's Rolex (with the blessing of GG) and used the money to buy himself a new shotgun and me some new earrings. He cried when he gave them to me and told me his grandpa would want me to have them. I love that man so damn much.
22. What did you want and not get?
• A cure for my mother-in-law's cancer. I prayed so hard for Him to heal her.
• On a less serious note...a new couch and a new iPhone. 
23. What was your favorite film of the year?
• Frozen was pretty cute. I still haven't seen Catching Fire which I suspect I would love.
24. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 
• I turned 30 this year! Ouch! I actually managed to celebrate for a whole week though. My mom took us out to dinner at Beausoleil the week before which was delicious then my husband managed to pull together a group of my closest girlfriends and surprise me at Coyote Blues. It was very fun. The actual day of my birthday I got a massage, a pedicure, had lunch with my BFF, and went to an auction/fundraiser thing that night where I got to wear a fancy dress and eat yummy food. It was a good birthday!
25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013
• Everything happens for a reason. We started trying for a baby in July 2012 and it just wasn't happening. I really thought something was wrong with me. By getting pregnant in January, it put me on maternity leave for my mother-in-law's entire illness which was a blessing in disguise. While I still maintain that it was the maternity leave from hell, I am forever grateful that we were able to spend so much time with her in her final days and I know that wouldn't have been possible if I had gotten pregnant at any other time.
• We also had planned to go to Mexico in August with two of our friends. Since we were taking that trip, we weren't going to be able to go to Florida with my inlaws in July. This is all before I found out I was pregnant. The day that I was booking the trip, I was having a lot of problems with pricing, insurance, etc. Like, more than I should have. I was so mad but was determined to book this trip then and there. So after fighting with it for over an hour, I finally got everything squared away. 6 days later I found out I was pregnant and that I would be 36 weeks the week of our trip. I was upset about missing the trip but we had no choice but to cancel. This was another blessing in disguise because if we had gone to Mexico, we would not have had one last vacation with my MIL. I feel like if I had just stopped what I was doing (and waited until I tested since we were in the middle of a cycle) it wouldn't have been such a headache to get our trip money back. (Thankfully that all worked out.) Regardless, Mexico was not meant to be and Vivian was. For more reasons than one. 
• The last "meant to be" moment that stands out to me occurred last spring. I was about 4 months pregnant and had been picked for a jury. I had to go to court on a Saturday and of course my husband had to work. It was also the weekend of his birthday. I was so pissed. We ended up calling my mother-in-law to come over for the weekend and she watched Norah for us and took her to a birthday party that Saturday afternoon. That night we cooked dinner and invited some friends over and it was just a really great night. Because of all those circumstances, my husband was able to spend his birthday with his mom during the last year she was alive. We obviously didn't know that at the time but it gives my heart a little bit of peace knowing that he has that memory.

That sums up 2013 pretty well. Obviously the two biggest things were gaining our daughter but losing our mother. It was a bittersweet year and I'd be a fool to think that 2014 will be "easier". We are just beginning our first full year without her and it's not going to be easy to face all the "firsts". If the holidays are any example, I can brace myself because those suuuuucked. But it's also Vivi's first year of her life and I don't want her to be cheated out of anything. And I know my mother-in-law wouldn't want that either. My motto for the past 3 months, and likely for 2014, was "we will just do the best that we can." I'm pretty content with that.