Therapy Fund

Someone needs to start one for my child because I TRAUMATIZED her tonight.

Seriously. Take away my parenting rights now.

It started off innocent enough. I had class till 7:30 so after we ate and home girl had her bath, we went to read some books and go to bed. Like I said. Innocent. I arranged all the stuffed animals in the crib like she likes them, fixed the blanket, found Kitty Cat, grabbed some books...we were ready to go.

I sit in the chair with my sweet, innocent girl (who has no idea that I'm about to ruin her life) standing 2 feet in front of me, holding her blanket and Kitty Cat (it was so sweet). And I glanced down to see her favorite baby doll, lying on the ground, naked, and...beheaded.

I was traumatized by this! How did this happen?! It's a fucking Bitty Baby and those things are NOT CHEAP! So I did the most logical thing at the time. I picked up both pieces of the doll in disbelief. And my precious innocent daughter took one look at her favorite baby doll TORN IN TWO and promptly burst into tears. Only it wasn't normal tears. It was like, OH MY GOD, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY kind of tears. It was traumatizing tears. Oh God. I wish I could forget it. But I can't so I decided to document it.

what she looked like. kind of.

So I start yelling for the mister like the crazy bitch that I am. He races in the room because he thinks there is an emergency (I really think that my child's doll being beheaded is an emergency, no?), yells at ME because I scared him (wtf, yo?). I'm screaming, "get her out! get her out! Bitty Baby has no head!" as I try and hide Bitty Baby behind me. All while my child is wailing uncontrollably.

It was a complete clusterfuck.

I am happy to report that I was able to repair Bitty Baby, MrShoe brought our traumatized child back in the room where I showed her how happy Bitty Baby was to be whole again (I swear to God, she side-eyed me). We even tucked Bitty Baby into her own crib (and covered her creepy little face) and then read books like nothing had happened.

MrShoe SWEARS on his favorite knife (which is like a bible in this house) that there was no horse playing that could have caused Bitty Baby's decapitation "incident" which leaves me to suspect the dogs but lets face it...if our dogs had gotten ahold of Bitty Baby, there may not have been a body left to attach the head to. So I have no idea how the hell this happened.

I do know that I could not make this shit up if I tried. And that my baby needs a therapy fund.